Getting married in later life

Jill Curtis, psychotherapist and writer, has sent us this article on Getting Married in Later Life!

It is a tremendous step for a man or woman who was happily married for many years to think of marrying again after the death of a spouse. Yet, with better healthcare and longer life expectation there are more and more ‘senior weddings.'

So if you are thinking of remarrying after a divorce or bereavement you may be at sea about the ‘right' way to go about it.  Although there is plenty of advice for first-time young brides,   if you are in an older age bracket you will have already discovered that there is not all that much help, leaving you uncertain about the way to proceed. You may be anxious about ‘looking silly at our age,' about the difficulty of ‘telling our children' and you may even be concerned about ‘what people will think about us?'  ‘Will my late husband's family be upset?' and ‘Can I have a wedding list a second time?' All these are questions which are asked me time and again.

Why should anyone be in fear of ‘looking silly?' Love can come at any age, and who said it is only the very young who can fall in love?  Most likely a couple will be the envy of their friends; those who are intimate with them will be delighted that they have found happiness again with each other.

Be aware that children can be distressed by their parents' remarriage.  This can happen at any age but hopefully more mature children will be able to cope with the situation.  I heard from Barry: ‘My mother is in her seventies and wants to marry again. She wants our children to be bridesmaids. I think they should just slip off somewhere quietly if they must get married, don't you?'  Well, no I don't. I think it is a charming idea to include loved grandchildren in the wedding celebration. 

Brides - of all ages - worry about their clothes. Claire asked me ‘ What on earth can I wear? and how can I call myself a bride at sixty-nine?'  Why not? In the eyes of her future husband she will be a bride on their wedding day.  No doubt Claire would not want to wear the full finery of a young first-time bride, but she could look equally beautiful in a smart suit or other ‘dressy' outfit. And I think flowers in the hair worn by women of any age are always lovely.

So plan the day you both want, whether it is a small intimate occasion, or a day to push the boat out.  Have people around you who love you and wish you well, make your preparations in advance, and there is no reason why you should not have the day of your dreams.

(Jill Curtis has written the book How to Get Married ... Again (A Guide to Second Weddings) published by Hodder and Stoughton)